Why are we so mean to ourselves?

My daughter shared this website with me and it has to be shared and re-shared and then shared again.

I keep running into clients and friends and people I have never met before and will never meet again, who are so cruel to themselves. The self-criticism is constant and brutal.

They hate their hair.

They hate their thighs.

Someone even told me that they wished they had better toenails.

I am not making this up.

I have said it over and over and over and over again. Research estimates that we have between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts per day and over two-thirds of those thoughts are negative or repetitive. We never give ourselves a break.

Now I am not saying that it’s all our faults, believe me we all know how the world is wallpapered with our own inadequacy vs. what the media portrays. But this is just insane. It has to stop.

My latest story, I just joined a local gym. The t-shirts for women are miniscule. A large is really more like a small and a small might fit a 6 year old. I am not exaggerating. The message they are conveying is very clear. This gym wants to attract thin women. Conversely, the men’s t-shirts are regularly sized. What’s with that? So men can be a variety of sizes and women can’t. Man does that bug me!

Enough already.


Look in the mirror and realize how beautiful you are. Because you know what, this is what the world has offered you. Make the best of it and rejoice in who you are.

Just a little Swinging on Sunday

So, Jenny and I went to the Park Avenue Armory yesterday and went swinging.  We read about it in the New York Times.

I highly recommend it.

Not only because its been a very long time since I did any serious swinging, but there is something incredibly cool about swinging in the middle of Manhattan.

It’s an exhibit by Anne Hamilton and is open through the first week of January.  The official description includes the following….

Visual artist Ann Hamilton combines the ephemeral presence of time with the material tactility for which she is best known to create a new large-scale installation for the Wade Thompson Drill Hall. Commissioned by the Armory, the event of a thread references the building’s architecture, as well as the individual encounters and congregational gatherings that have animated its rich social history. A multisensory affair, the work draws together readings, sound, and live events within a field of swings that together invite visitors to connect to the action of each other and the work itself, illuminating the experience of the singular and collective body.

The unofficial description includes walking into an enormous room divided by a is a diaphonous white, silk curtain.  On each side of the curtain are about 15 double wide swings, lit from above by spotlights.  When you’re lucky enough to find a free swing, you jump on and realize that as you swing, an intricate network of ropes moves the curtain up and down and around based on how you and the other 60 swings are moving.

Then there are the people who are lying directly below the curtain.


So, of course, we had to try that.  Totally cool.

It’s a great way to get away from the crowds in midtown and have fun!


Pillow Talk

Okay, welcome to one of our ongoing marital conversations.

Pillows  Pillows  Pillows  Pillows


We have a bazillion pillows on our bed, much to the consternation of my husband.

“There are too many.”

“This one is too big.”

“The one is too small.”

“Why does anyone need so many of these  #*^*  pillows.”

Well, as you may or may not know, there are very good reasons for all of these pillows.

First of all, there is the need for cold pillows.

Once upon a time, my beloved brother introduced me to the statement,

“as cool as the other side of the pillow”

That’s it!  

I need a cool pillow, and if it’s not cool enough, I need to flip it over or find an alternative through a variety of fresh choices.

And now, that I am in the prime of my life and enjoying those wonderful flashes of warmth at 3:00am, cool pillows are even more critical.

And, apparently I am not the only one.  There is a pillow out there that markets itself as a cooling pillow.   Maybe I should add that to my Christmas list.  But then again, that would require yet another pillow addition to the pile already taking over our bed.  I’m not sure the Husband could take it.

Then there is the size issue.

Sometimes you need a big one to prop yourself up.

Other times, you need one that works when you’re on your side.

It’s also nice to have one of the king-sized ones, in the event you want to share your pillow.

Then there are the little teeny pillows which fit in the nooks and crannies, or if you’re feeling like a pillow, but not too much of a pillow.

Don’t forget the hard/squishee issue

Sometimes you want to be able to squish it up into a ball or punch it into the perfect shape.  Other times, it’s all about support and firmness.  You never know what you’re looking for until you lie down and want to fall asleep.  At least I don’t.

And then there is the sore back/neck alternative

We also have the tempurpedic pillows designed to let your head get cradled in such a way that your spine and neck stay aligned throughout the night.  This is great if you don’t move.  

I move.  

Right now they are at the bottom of the pillow pile simply because they are so heavy and don’t react well to the cold pillow test.  But they are there just in case one of us twists this way when our spine wants to twist that way.

So now I have outed myself as a persnickity pillow person.


Am I the only one?

Natural Advantage


I have been asked to talk a little bit about Kolbe’s 17 “Natural Advantage” descriptors.

Natural Advantages were developed by  Kathy Kolbe as a way to help describe the combination of strengths identified in your Kolbe A index results.

As you may  have heard me say, you are so much more than your highest number.  Each individual Kolbe score describes your prefered mode of striving. The two highest numbers of a Kolbe A index (as long as they are 7 or over) are used to determine your Natural Advantage.   If there is only one score over 7, that single number is used.

As Kathy Kolbe states in her book, The Conative Connection, “These descriptions, though useful, are stereotypes, because nobody is all of one thing.  There is truly no such thing as “can’t” — but there are combinations of talent that make people better suited to one career than another…..The particular combination of strengths in your Kolbe A Index is your personal leverage for getting things done….Natural Advantages aren’t meant to be job titles, rather frames of mind or methods of operation” on how you would approach a particular job with no other constraints, but your instincts.

The 17 Natural Advantages are…

Fact Finder                                Researcher
Fact Finder/Follow Thru      Strategic Planner
Fact Finder/Quick Start        Manager
Fact Finder/Implementor     Technologist

Follow Thru                              Designer
Follow Thru/Fact Finder      Systems Analyst
Follow Thru/Quick Start       Program Developer
Follow Thru/Implementor    Manufacturer

Quick Start                                 Innovator
Quick Start/Fact Finder         Entrepreneur
Quick Start/Follow Thru       Theorist
Quick Start/Implementor      Pioneer

          Implementor                             Demonstrator
Implementor/Fact Finder     Investigator
Implementor/Follow Thru   Quality Controller
Implementor/Quick Start      Adventurer

Facilitator                                   Mediator

I will be addressing these Natural Advantages in upcoming calls.