Why are we so mean to ourselves?

My daughter shared this website with me and it has to be shared and re-shared and then shared again.

I keep running into clients and friends and people I have never met before and will never meet again, who are so cruel to themselves. The self-criticism is constant and brutal.

They hate their hair.

They hate their thighs.

Someone even told me that they wished they had better toenails.

I am not making this up.

I have said it over and over and over and over again. Research estimates that we have between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts per day and over two-thirds of those thoughts are negative or repetitive. We never give ourselves a break.

Now I am not saying that it’s all our faults, believe me we all know how the world is wallpapered with our own inadequacy vs. what the media portrays. But this is just insane. It has to stop.

My latest story, I just joined a local gym. The t-shirts for women are miniscule. A large is really more like a small and a small might fit a 6 year old. I am not exaggerating. The message they are conveying is very clear. This gym wants to attract thin women. Conversely, the men’s t-shirts are regularly sized. What’s with that? So men can be a variety of sizes and women can’t. Man does that bug me!

Enough already.

 

Look in the mirror and realize how beautiful you are. Because you know what, this is what the world has offered you. Make the best of it and rejoice in who you are.

Pillow Talk

Okay, welcome to one of our ongoing marital conversations.

Pillows  Pillows  Pillows  Pillows

 

We have a bazillion pillows on our bed, much to the consternation of my husband.

“There are too many.”

“This one is too big.”

“The one is too small.”

“Why does anyone need so many of these  #*^*  pillows.”

Well, as you may or may not know, there are very good reasons for all of these pillows.

First of all, there is the need for cold pillows.

Once upon a time, my beloved brother introduced me to the statement,

“as cool as the other side of the pillow”

That’s it!  

I need a cool pillow, and if it’s not cool enough, I need to flip it over or find an alternative through a variety of fresh choices.

And now, that I am in the prime of my life and enjoying those wonderful flashes of warmth at 3:00am, cool pillows are even more critical.

And, apparently I am not the only one.  There is a pillow out there that markets itself as a cooling pillow.   Maybe I should add that to my Christmas list.  But then again, that would require yet another pillow addition to the pile already taking over our bed.  I’m not sure the Husband could take it.

Then there is the size issue.

Sometimes you need a big one to prop yourself up.

Other times, you need one that works when you’re on your side.

It’s also nice to have one of the king-sized ones, in the event you want to share your pillow.

Then there are the little teeny pillows which fit in the nooks and crannies, or if you’re feeling like a pillow, but not too much of a pillow.

Don’t forget the hard/squishee issue

Sometimes you want to be able to squish it up into a ball or punch it into the perfect shape.  Other times, it’s all about support and firmness.  You never know what you’re looking for until you lie down and want to fall asleep.  At least I don’t.

And then there is the sore back/neck alternative

We also have the tempurpedic pillows designed to let your head get cradled in such a way that your spine and neck stay aligned throughout the night.  This is great if you don’t move.  

I move.  

Right now they are at the bottom of the pillow pile simply because they are so heavy and don’t react well to the cold pillow test.  But they are there just in case one of us twists this way when our spine wants to twist that way.

So now I have outed myself as a persnickity pillow person.

 

Am I the only one?

72 inches of really beautiful beads!

72 inches of beautiful beads with a sterling silver clasp
Amy's beaded bracelet/necklace
This is a reposting of a previous post. Amy went into the hospital and couldn’t make the bracelets. She is back and ready to make them if you are still interested.

This weekend at MBI was amazing, filled with so many Woo Woo moments that I am planning on writing them all down, but one in particular is really standing out.

I met Joda during one of the early sessions.  She was raving about a beaded bracelet I had wrapped around my wrist and wanted to know where I got it.

I told her about my jewelry designing friend Amy, who has been battling MS for the past nine years, facing nasty treatments once each month that wipe her out completely.  Recently her doctor recommended some additional DNA tests which may change the way they treat her disease to a much less debilitating approach.  There is no guarantee, but there is hope.  Naturally the cost is over $10,000.   Her doctor is now helping with some creative funding sources,  her parents are digging into their tapped-out bank accounts and Amy is trying to raise the remaining balance which is about $3500.

So now we go back to Phoenix.  Joda and I  exchanged cards and I promised to get back to her regarding the cost of the bracelet.  The next day we meet again, I tell her the cost and she pulls out her money as I unwrap the bracelet from my wrist.  Done deal.

Well maybe not….

That night I got to thinking that maybe there was an opportunity to help Amy in a bigger way.  Maybe I could sell some of these amazing bracelets.

So yes, you guessed it, the next morning I run into Joda, who tells me that a number of her coaching friends love the bracelet and want to buy it.  And then, of course, I burble that I had the exact same thought.

So here is a picture of the bracelet.  It is 72 inches long and can be wrapped around your wrist as many times as you can, looped around your neck or just draped  for a looser look.  The cost is $70 plus $5 for shipping.

If anyone is interested, please email me at carol@carolcheswickwilson.com.  I will invoice you through PayPal and get it out to you within a week.

I am sending this out to such a great universe.

Thank you for everything.

Best,

Carol

 

 

Stranded in Alaska

Last night, we had a very invigorating phone call that highlighted the differences between a Fact Finder, a Follow Thru, a Quick Start and an Implementor.  Needless to say, the call went far better than even I could imagine.

Three MBI coaches were asked to do some advanced homework and tell us during the call, how they would react to the following situation…

You are on a deserted strip of road in Alaska. It’s beautiful. You are surrounded by forests of fir trees and towering snow-covered peaks. Your car hums along the road, hugging the twists and turns. Your favorite music is on the radio/ipod and you are feeling completely relaxed. You are by yourself. Your family/friends, etc. decided to go salmon fishing for the weekend. You opted for some time to yourself.

There is clearly no one for miles. You are on your own schedule. There is no pressure — no one is waiting for you at your destination. When you get there, you get there. This is what freedom feels like.

All of a sudden, the car coughs and you slowly lose momentum and then glide to a stop. You glide to the side of the road and park on the median. Your car is showing no signs of life. You reach for your phone to call for help and realize that you have absolutely no signal.

What do you do?
How do you feel?
Say more!

Listen to the call here!
 
We had a surprise guest at the end and all learned a little bit more about ourselves and others.

Enjoy!

Natural Advantage

 

I have been asked to talk a little bit about Kolbe’s 17 “Natural Advantage” descriptors.

Natural Advantages were developed by  Kathy Kolbe as a way to help describe the combination of strengths identified in your Kolbe A index results.

As you may  have heard me say, you are so much more than your highest number.  Each individual Kolbe score describes your prefered mode of striving. The two highest numbers of a Kolbe A index (as long as they are 7 or over) are used to determine your Natural Advantage.   If there is only one score over 7, that single number is used.

As Kathy Kolbe states in her book, The Conative Connection, “These descriptions, though useful, are stereotypes, because nobody is all of one thing.  There is truly no such thing as “can’t” — but there are combinations of talent that make people better suited to one career than another…..The particular combination of strengths in your Kolbe A Index is your personal leverage for getting things done….Natural Advantages aren’t meant to be job titles, rather frames of mind or methods of operation” on how you would approach a particular job with no other constraints, but your instincts.

The 17 Natural Advantages are…

Fact Finder                                Researcher
Fact Finder/Follow Thru      Strategic Planner
Fact Finder/Quick Start        Manager
Fact Finder/Implementor     Technologist

Follow Thru                              Designer
Follow Thru/Fact Finder      Systems Analyst
Follow Thru/Quick Start       Program Developer
Follow Thru/Implementor    Manufacturer

Quick Start                                 Innovator
Quick Start/Fact Finder         Entrepreneur
Quick Start/Follow Thru       Theorist
Quick Start/Implementor      Pioneer

          Implementor                             Demonstrator
Implementor/Fact Finder     Investigator
Implementor/Follow Thru   Quality Controller
Implementor/Quick Start      Adventurer

Facilitator                                   Mediator

I will be addressing these Natural Advantages in upcoming calls.

 

 

What kind of animal are you?

What kind of animal are you?

And why?

When someone posed this question to me, the first thought that came to my mind was

Golden Retriever.

I realize they may not be considered the smartest dogs on the planet, but they are certainly among the most loving and accepting.

I live with three dogs, one of whom is a golden retriever who has just finished picking all of the dish towels off of the kitchen counter and delivering them to me in my office in an effort to get attention and affection or maybe he is just looking to have some fun.

I may have answered this way because  I have been loved by three fantastic golden retrievers — Barney, Maggie and Jake. Their unconditional love and ability to be open, to stand by my side through thick and thin has been an invaluable constant in my life.

Anyway, back to the question posed above.

Yesterday during a grueling tennis practice when someone zinged a tennis ball down the alley just out of reach. My partner commented that she thought I would be “mad at myself” for missing the ball. On the contrary, the next tennis ball was coming, it was time to move on, focus on what is coming next.

I tend to be on an even keel most of the time. Yes, there are some things that I feel very strongly about but I don’t feel the need to toss those thoughts out into conversation in a confrontational manner.

I am people pleaser to a certain extent except if someone just gets under my skin or cuts me off aggressively.

I love to connect with people, learn who they are, share stories, gain perspective.

I believe in making life fun and enjoying every minute of every day.

I am a lover not a growler.

What kind of animal are you?

And why?

Kicking the Tires…

Bright Shiny New Car Kolbe Style

 

Okay, I know many of you know I am a Kolbe Consultant, but I don’t think that you know what the heck that means.

Kolbe is a seemingly simple online test that helps to identify your strengths from both a personal and a professional standpoint.  You can take the Kolbe A test at www.kolbe.com.  A Kolbe Consultant can help you figure out what all those numbers mean to you and those around you.  Anyway…

There are four modes — Fact Finder, Follow Through, Quick Start and Implementor.

So what, you ask.

This is the “so what”.  Understanding how you approach a new task vs. the guy in the next cubicle or your partner, or your kid, gives you an enormous advantage in figuring out how they live their lives vs. how you live your life.  Knowledge is power.  It’s also a lot less stress and a lot more appreciation of who does what and why and why you shouldn’t let it get to you so easily.

Knowing the difference, makes a difference.

So here’s a story that might help you get some perspective.

You want to buy a car -a  brand new shiny whatsis that makes your heart sing.  Based on the insights learned by taking the Kolbe A test, you will learn that you are strongest in one or two of the Kolbe categories.

  • If you are a  Fact Finder (like my beloved expert husband) you go on line and research the best car out there in terms of price, features, doodads, availability, industry ratings.  No action is taken until all of the information is understood clearly and in a concise manner.
  • An individual whose results indicate they are a Follow Through focuses on the process.  There will be several steps that they will need to take to evaluate each car.
  • The Quick Start wants to drive the car, test it out, see how it feels in a variety of terrains.  Instant gratification and shiny objects are icing on the cake.  Color is also an important consideration.
  • Finally, the Implementor  kicks the tires, slams the doors, and evaluates the beauty of the engine from a quality and value perspective.

So big surprise, there is no right way to buy a car.  By taking the perspective/approach from each profile, you can find yourself a beautiful new car that pushes someone’s buttons!

 

Thanks to Penny Paucha for inspiring this rant!

 

 

 

 

Kolbe Call — Know your profile and how it affects your business!

Please listen to a call I held with a number of Martha Beck coaches in November, 2011 called:

Your KOLBE Profile:  Learning how to better Understand your Clients and Your Practice.

This call was with two fabulous volunteers who discussed how their Kolbe profile affects how they conduct their business and relate to their clients.

Listen in!

In learning more about your individual Kolbe profile, you can become more self aware while becoming a better coach!

Contact me for an individual Kolbe Consultation!